Pink Lips

These soft white hands rummage through your golden body, these pink lips caress the soul 

I am a woman I was born in the totality of it all, You my man the sacredness of me

The opposite, the mirror of my love

The everlasting eternal nature of who we are, The star of my life to be your wife

Oh my I’m a girl with so much love to shine and now you’re mine

Everlasting 

Unconditionally loving 

Romantic reality, fascinating aura

So deep, so rightly profound 

A love with no limits, heart with no bounds 
You see I AM the love you are

When we come together we forever create more

Truly everlasting love is here for you, for us

Winner

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I’ve painted the way my face is meant to portray such beauty

It’s as I’m the one who’s been saved in your love truly

I’ve found my muse as I now summon a force so easily

 

Happiness comforts me at every waking thought, I have everything I want

I walk into yours arms knowing that I’m forever embraced in this fate

I’m alive, now my man take what you need from me and so will I take from you

 

It’s the way this works, we are both here to serve, run to me, I’ll come to you

Living in luxury, it’s such a wealth way, the love we get to taste

Life is so much fun when you win the game

Cupcake Love Affair

 

Speckled cupcakes are the world to me as you can see
I seethe in glee as I take a bite of this dream I so longed to be
It’s all manifested in all the glory I could of ever imagined
This joy so beautiful as its all finally happened

 

This dapper man so tall, handsome and forthcoming stands before me
He bends down and places a heart shaped diamond ring on my finger
For a moment my heart lingers in pure ecstasy, I say yes so sexily
As our hugging embrace goes its the smell of him I douse myself in

 

This is what it’s like to win, I’m quite the gem he proclaims on a whim
I love you my man, the way you’re my number one
The kisses we share like there is not a care
Like our first date at the town fair, with your heart you share

 

Now do you dare marry a woman so wild and free
Yes you do because I’m your everything to be
This is what it’s like to live a dream
It’s everything it seems
Life is so keen

The ever Elusive Envy

Envy

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This is something we all feel or have felt yet no one ever talks about. Everyone talks about jealousy, which is your fear of someone or something taking something from you. Envy is the feeling of discontentment because someone has something you ‘don’t’ have. As I think about this it’s crazy to me how I’ve rarely if ever heard anything mentioned about envy.

I was just feeling a sense of envy, I don’t ever really feel envy about anything other than when it comes to relationships. When it comes to seeing two people together, a happy and doting couple. It seems to arise especially if I find myself attracted to a man and then to see him happy with his lady.

I know it’s because that is something I want and something I don’t have. Yet, I know of course it’s something I don’t necessarily need. I definitely don’t need it to be fulfilled but it would be fun to have the benefit of companionship. I’m not lonely, but it’s only natural to want a companion. I think it’s pretty much wired in the blood of humanity to desire a partner.

So as I feel this, I understand it and let it go, wishing the best for everyone. I know what it means and I’m grateful to be conscious of my emotions and feelings. Sometimes it can be quite challenging to be so aware yet it’s worth it because when you know you can make the choice to do things differently.

I love love and I love people whom have fallen in love. It’s a beautiful thing to witness and admire. Certainly envy is not privy to the fact that we can all achieve and manifest said relationship/companionship. It’s all just a matter of patience, perseverance and tenacity.

Some of you many feel envy for a host of other reasons, some people see others with really nice cars, fancy houses and immediately start feeling envy. It’s an emotion that can be understood and let go or it can be the fuel to rocket your desire for what you do want. Holding on to it will only create negative energy and block your path to your desired outcome.

So, Hello, Envy! You’ve come, now you’ve gone and I understand what I do want because you have conveyed to me what I do not want. Thank you! The beauty of being awakened enough to understand your own mind & perceptions is profound. Love is beautiful and I’m grateful to not only love who I am but love others who love who they are.

Seventeen

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Wandering through this estate with it’s plush gardens

Fountains spewing water in elegant displays, ponds of humbling beauty

Traveling through the orchids of cherry trees, the smell of sweet cherries fills me up

 

Freshly baked cherry pie, the warmness in my belly

Freshly plucked the biggest cherry for my taking

Savoring it for my sake

I’d give my heart for this place

 

I dive through my visions of life some other way, I couldn’t even persuade

Persuade my thoughts to conjure a vision behind my own

I suppose like my father says, I’m this orchards sweetest cherry

 

Young love, it’s in my blood

Seventeen, he’s twenty three, my best friend I believe

As I walk and ponder, I start to consider

Then I smell his rightness and turn to embrace his likeness

 

Our smiles speak the words we can’t seem to find

A hug of some other kind

Indescribable emotions

 

Hand in hand, face to face

There’s not a thing I would change

How to overcome Borderline Personality Disorder & Self Destructive Behavior

 

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  • Letting go of the overwhelming need for protection and fear of abandonment.

YOU and only you hold the key to your happiness, your power that rests within your mind. I was diagnosed with BPD, I know the ups and downs, impulsive and irrational thinking & behavior this mental state brings.

It’s all about coming to an awareness, letting the thoughts come and go and choosing not identify with them. We have to deal with the triggers of what can send us into an attack by choosing to be consciously aware of what triggers us. In THAT moment we make the choice to go a long with it and unravel or we choose to simply let it go and breathe.

The best way to achieve awareness is through meditation, calming your mind and relaxing your body. If you find it hard to just focus on only your breathing pick one emotion to focus on. Like grace, inner peace or calmness, focus completely on that emotion, what it feels like. Feel that it is yours in that very moment and do this for at least 10 minutes a day. If you do this you will change your life.

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  • Learning to harness your personal energy into constructive avenues so you don’t sabotage your intimate relationships with your lover, spouse or family and friends.

I know what it’s like to swing from being with someone and truly loving them but  then allowing yourself to be triggered and articulating those emotions in a negative way. Such as saying and doing things that self sabotage that relationship. All that energy is out of control so it can swing from one extreme to the other. We say we hate someone in a triggered episode but we know deeply we truly love them.

This is because we are triggered because we feel they are not doing, saying or being something that we need to reassure us of our self worth, validation and stability. When we project our emotional stability, self worth and mental well being onto someone else they will ALWAYS fail. No one and I mean no one can channel our energy, we must channel our energy into ways that either benefit us or destroy us.

We are the keys to overcoming our dogmatic thoughts which create a life of turmoil. Let go of thinking patterns that don’t serve you. We must continually focus on only the good thoughts, the good parts of ourselves, the good parts of life. This doesn’t mean we deny that there isn’t bad or negativity in the world, it just means we choose to live in a place of total love without fear.

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  • Transcending an unstable, self destructive body image and impulsive self destructive behaviors like unsafe sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating, self harming and suicidal ideations.

I’ve been here! I have dealt with eating disorders such as binge eating, bulimia and had careless unsafe sex when I know it was high risk. I’ve been through and am still recovering from alcoholism. I’ve had fits of rage while driving which caused me to act erratic, and yes even self cutting and suicidal thoughts and episodes.

This is what happens we have continually chosen to identify with the thoughts that only perpetuate more negative life experiences. We have refused to let go, refused to see ourselves as a survivor. We have given up our power because we place it on everything and everyone else instead of accepting our responsibility for our actions, thoughts and life.

YOUR mind, your thinking patterns are what dictate your life. You, me, we are the only ones who have the choice to alter our reality by altering the very fabric of our mind. We can continue to life in a negative mind state which will only perpetuate more illness, more disease and the farther you fall into that abyss the more challenging it will be to overcome it.

Do whatever it takes to change your thinking, read books, listen to videos, write yourself encouraging notes everyday. Go for a walk, do some meditation, write encouraging posts online, share your story! We must channel our energy in positive ways to bring about a positive life. I know it can seem so challenging but this is YOUR life on the line, your well being.

Make the choice, do you want PEACE or do you want wretchedness? You have the choice, you have the free will within everything that you are to overcome self destructive behavior. Set little goals for yourself and watch yourself flourish and achieve them, free yourself from the chains of fear. You are light, whether you realize that or not doesn’t matter. You are a human being of light and of hope, your truest self is calling out to you to cultivate it.

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  • Reintegrating the feelings of personality detachment back into unity with your soul.

Often people labeled with BPD have feelings of not really being there, being somewhere else feeling detached from reality, dissociative types of emotions. I’ve felt that, I know the feeling which can be from anything to extreme paranoia or complete euphoria.

This is what happens when we become so separated from self, from the center of our being that it starts migrating into separate entities, like a broken mirror. It has been shattered and it is like a part of us is everywhere, all fighting yearning to be back together which causes suffering.

How to integrate yourself back into unity and oneness with center is by making the choice to be ONE, not a hundred different people with a hundred different personalities. But, you the unique amazing individual you are with different likes, characteristics but still one person.

Let go of the thinking in your head/mind that says, “You are this or that”. Encourage and identify with the thinking and voice that is, “I am good, I am this or that”. You are I, start seeing yourself from a first person perspective. I’ve often found that the voice in your mind will also think of it as “We”. Do not think nor identify with thinking of we when it comes to your personal identity.

You are YOU, this is your soul, free will and life. There is no other force or energy that has the right to think or alter your destiny. So take back the power of your free will of your soul and honor YOUR dreams, your goals, your interests. I’ve found meditation to be the best way to garner a higher sense of unity with ones self. Conscious choice to become whole is something done at soul level, you can do it. Don’t give up, discipline through repetition brings great rewards.