Addiction is a world wide issue that so many of us deal with in one form or the other. Whether it’s to alcohol, street drugs, prescription drugs, shopping, gambling, sex, pornography, etc. You can literally become addicted to anything. I’ve personally dealt with addiction to alcohol which has caused incredible turmoil in my life.
When I start to drink 90% of the time I can’t stop until I’m either passed out, blacked out or have no other way of getting anymore alcohol. When I couldn’t get anymore alcohol it would send me into an emotional breakdown or I would start entertaining crazy thoughts. Anything to not have to feel the emptiness, to avoid confronting the real issue of why I was drinking.
Car accidents, totaled vehicles, trips to the county jail, sabotaging relationships, saying incredibly hurtful things. These are all the things that happened when I was under the influence. It was a toxic part of my life, there was a time that I didn’t honestly think I’d get through it. I thought I’d die, either of alcohol poisoning or in a tragic accident.
I made very irrational and impulsive decisions which caused me to put myself into unsafe and unfortunate situations. I was sexually assaulted and unable to defend myself, I had sex with more men than I’d care to admit. I dabbled in drugs and taking pills. I overdosed on pills while under the influence because the suicidal thoughts had completely consumed me.
Alcohol sent me to the hospital more than a few times, I passed out at night clubs, in front of nightclubs, was arrested several times for public intoxication. It was very very bad, I honestly wonder how I’ve made it. I’m so grateful to be alive after literally tempting fate over, over and over again. I’m still very much healing, still early in my sobriety. The lure of not feeling, of being out of control is what drove me to drink.
I didn’t have to feel, think or be anything. I was just there a vessel for the spirit I was taking into my body. The more I gave into the spirit of alcohol, the more power I gave it. Oh and let me tell you it was powerful. Yet now I see, I see why I drank, I see the reason I’ve made it through is so I can share and write something like this for me and you. I know that suffering, I know the incredibly hopelessness, pain and emptiness alcohol can bring into your life.
Yet I know the power lies within my mind, your mind. I’ve made the choice to no longer drink and I’ve accepted that I just can’t drink. Not one drink, not a sip. Not now and probably never. We don’t have to drink to have fun, that’s something that I’m coming to understand and accept. There are so many beautiful things to experience in life. I lost some of the most amazing memories because I was drunk during them and don’t remember what happened!
I’m here with you on this journey to complete recovery, taking one day at a time. Changing each thought in each moment. Life is just a serious of moments, so we make the decision to stand in our power each moment. Drinking doesn’t bring success nor abundance and happiness. It doesn’t help manifest our dreams, it only holds us back from what we truly want which is happiness.
Addiction can be so deadly and I’m so grateful to be here today to be able to share this with you. So many don’t make it through or they die trying. This is for them, in your honor I will transcend addiction. So can you, we can’t give up. Temptation will come yet every time we resist it the easier it will be the next time it comes around. The more you resist temptation the less power it has. It may come in a moment and be incredibly alluring yet that is when it’s most important for us to say NO because we are at a transformation point. After that point we continue to overcome the challenge and before long it will seem just simply natural not to drink.
Sober, happy and thriving individuals this is who are. So much life to give the world and so much fun to have creating new beautiful memories. There is nothing we can’t overcome, through these struggles gratitude has show me the way out.