Sadness, despair, hopelessness, destruction, desolation even extreme poverty. There are so many things that drive people to want to ‘end’ it all. I’ve been there more times than I’d ever like to admit. Yet I know through that extreme suffering it has taught me so much and given me such extreme empathy, understanding and ultimately wisdom.
Through our suffering, through identifying with the wretched thoughts that float by; we create and give our power to these emotions which in turn lead to suicidal ideations. There were times I thought of suicide daily and even worse there were times I took large amounts of pills because it was all too much to bare.
I’ve found myself in near death situations so many times and I’m in awe about the fact that I’m even still alive. I often wonder why me? Although I know deep down it is because I have great work to do and it’s beginning here, through self expression, healing and being a light for others.
I could go into a deep discussion about the details of what happened and what I did to find myself in a hospital bed on more than one occasion. But, I’m going to save that for another day. I’m here to discuss suicide in general and why so many of us can’t seem to cope with life, thoughts, the world and the system we are born into.
All the times I contemplated and even took the initiative to take pills, it was never really to end my life. It was my heart, my subconscious even God trying to get me to wake up! “You are worthy of love! You are LOVE! Your life means something and you know it! Let it all Go!” This is what the voice of the angel within me said, I knew it. It took an incredible amount of suffering to turn from the negative way of thinking and emoting. It had lead me to my desolate mind frame and outlook.
We are not the negative thoughts that float through us, we are the thoughts that we choose to identify with and give the honor of emotion too. We can choose to honor the good or the bad. This is what free will means, using our mind, our emotions and our spirit to channel either goodness or badness.
I’ve gone through many initiations in my life and I suppose falling and allowing myself to reside in the darkness was one of them. The dark side has it’s lure, illusions and purpose yet it doesn’t bring anything other than destruction, disease and self hate. It brings much much worse for those who don’t ever seem to make it out of that rabbit hole.
Something bad doesn’t have to happen in order for something good to happen. Good things happen just because, by the Grace of God. Yes good things happen, blessings happen.
I have wished I was dead more times that I can even recall but really all I was wishing for, yearning for was inner peace. I’ve finally come to the place where I’ve let go of the negative demons and choose to live in a place of love. I’m living with my angels, following their calling. I’m not perfect, I’m certainly still healing. It’s all a process, through patience we shall persevere.
There may be times of temptation yet every time we resist temptation the less challenging it is when it comes back around. It’s all about the wheel of life we can choose to identify with the bad things that happen to us or just merely see them as initiations and rights of passage that lead us into a brighter more fulfilling and successful life.
There is NO ‘end’, there is NO way out. There is only a way through, a way through our hearts, our spirit, through the eternal essence of life. You let go and you move on, I know this isn’t what we always want to hear but it’s the truth. If we continue to hold on we will find ourselves in the same situation over, over, over again until we finally turn to LOVE and see the light of a new life and new thinking.
We are here for a reason, that reason is to love, fulfill our deepest desires, dreams and be pentacles of passion. Suicide solves nothing and only perpetuates more pain and suffering. Life is worth it, I promise. By the grace of everything that is, your time will come. Mine is now, surely yours is as well. Your mind is your temple entertain nothing less than greatness.