I hear that alot, let go! We’ve all heard it a million times. We have all experienced letting go and we’ve all experienced the suffering it causes us when we choose not to. I’ve finally come to the place where I can let go in mass quantities. Let go of all the negative energy that I was letting consume me, control me and manipulate me into believing and behaving like someone that wasn’t aligned with my true self.
Letting go of the shame I felt for destroying a relationship with someone I truly, deeply cared about. Letting go of the people that hurt me growing up. Letting go of what I thought I needed to be. Letting go of the ungratefulness for my existence, my life, my family. Letting go of the need to control others behaviors instead of just accepting what is.
I’ve come to understand that we can’t change the way anyone thinks. We can’t change the way someone choses to behave, the words they say or the way they do what they do. It’s their path, their life and their journey. We can only control our reactions to what they do. I have come to the transformational point of finally focusing on what people around me do that I am grateful for, that I do enjoy, that I do cherish about them. I’ve realized that what matters to my heart doesn’t always resonate with the people around me and that’s okay.
It doesn’t mean they dont love us, care about us or want what is best for us. It only means we have to do what is best for our hearts regardless of what others do or don’t do. I can’t be mad at someone for not doing what I do or don’t do. They are just who they are, I am who I am.
When I started being grateful for the things that they are doing, I’ve come to realize how much more I love not only them but love myself for loving them. Now that I’ve started to focus on becoming what I believe, the truest version of myself; little insignifant things don’t trigger an emotional reaction. I feel like through my acceptance of my family and their behaviors it has helped me better understand and accept my behaviors.
I’ve chosen to overcome the challenge of my behaviors, instead of laying blame on my past, what I’ve been through, my desires, who I am. I now realize that me being different is a gift, having suffered through the depths of hell selling out. I know that suffering, I know that pain and I know the side effects. The addictions, the alcoholism, self loathing, self hate, self destruction. I let it go, that negative energy that I was holding on too. That energy that was holding me back from living my dream as an abundant, happy and succesful woman who is a beacon of grace, hope and unconditional love.
My faith in myself and others knows no bounds, no borders. It could fit on no planet, in no universe, it is all that is. I believe in the gifts I have, I believe that I am worthy of helping myself and through that helping others.
I have surrended to the force of unconditional love. Ultimately I have surrended to my heart, to live my hearts passion, my hearts desire. To embrace the domestic goddess, genius, artist, poet, speaker, writer, friend, sister, daughter. Most of all the servant of humanity, to serve others through myself with my gifts for the benefit of all.
If I believe this now, I will always believe this. My dreams have come true, so they have. Through my meditation and my patience it will be done.